Sneak Peak Relationship Management

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We’re going to be talking today about the relationship with ourselves which is always an exciting topic but we think all of our topics are exciting.

It’s exciting and for some of you that might just sound like a strange topic. Yeah but they’ll understand it thoroughly by the end of this month yes. So as always we do kind of a recap. And you know to go over what we’ve been talking about we’ll do a little bit of an extended one today but then we’ll get right to the right to the subject matter too because we actually have a lot to cover in this module is a heavy topic right.

Get your thinking caps on and get ready but as you can see all of these modules are designed to build off of one another. So first you created your vision to provide the map and understand where you were going. Then you discovered your strengths and how to align them with your vision and your ongoing activities.

We talked a fair amount about talent and confidence and skill and how building on those helps you be the highest level performer you can and actually building a relationship with yourself will help you develop talent skill and confidence but will get more into that mind.

Management helps you get rid of all your unnecessary clutter and resilience helps you will help you keep going through the tough times. That’s what that model was all about. So you might already be wondering as Maria alluded to what does the relationship with yourself have to do with being a high performance insurance broker.

It seems like a fair question. Fair question. Well a lot actually because to perform at our best requires a positive relationship with ourselves. That’s all there is to it. We can’t be beating ourselves up or not like who we are and expect to get our best. It just wouldn’t make any sense right. And then second how we’re how we’re feeling about ourselves at any given moment is very obvious to other people.

So for example with somebody you’ve seen them before if somebody is desperate to make a sale you can you can almost smell it a mile away. Smell the desperation. Yeah you really can. And that’s where you know having high confidence will help that. But developing a relationship with yourself helps build confidence.

Exactly right. Did that make perfect sense again. It will. We keep giving all these little teasers as module here but at managing relationships period is a key influencer on peak performance. I mean in order to be our best we need good healthy contact with ourselves with others with our environment. We need others to help us reach our vision.

Nobody ever does it alone. But before we can have healthy relationships with others which we’ll be getting into in the next module. You can’t really have healthy relationships with others if you don’t have a healthy relationship with yourself first you need to have the best relationship with yourself first. No I think that’s true not only a healthy relationship but probably say the best relationship.

What is a trite saying saying love yourself the most first and really that’s what we’re going to be talking about today. It really is. But you will be amazed when you focus on this how much it can improve your performance.

Yes. So you know for a lot of us the idea of having a relationship with ourselves sounds kind of strange right. We don’t really think of it that way. But we have thoughts about ourselves we have feelings about ourselves. We talk to ourselves so we have a relationship with ourselves and as you said Maria that this is the most important one will ever have because it’s fundamental to all the other relationships.

Often times I will say to folks if we ever treated other people the way we treated ourselves we wouldn’t have any friends. Isn’t that the truth. And you know I’m glad you bring that up because we probably do find if we take a close look at it that we treat ourselves way worse than we treat anybody else. We have unrealistic expectations sometimes of ourselves or sometimes we let each other let ourselves off the hook in a way that we wouldn’t let somebody else off the hook.

That’s true. Yeah. Yeah that’s true. So it can work in the opposite as well or you know and as cliche as it sounds there is the reason that the flight attendant tells you to put your oxygen mask on before you put your child’s on because if you don’t at least have a workable relationship with yourself you can have a workable relationship with other says.

As we’ve said even if you don’t have a great relationship with yourselves you can’t have great relationships with others. And you know when we have a positive relationship with ourselves other people seem to react and respond accordingly to it you know.

Right. And so how does it start. It starts first with monitoring you know start the habit of just monitoring some key patterns in yourself. What are your reactions to events and circumstances.

How do you feel at any given moment. Why are certain people annoying to you or you the wrong way you know take a look at that. Oftentimes it’s not necessarily their fault. What are your behavior patterns under certain circumstances. Do you do you react a certain way all the time and maybe you need to look at that.

What types of people are you intimidated by and where are the places that you shine now now when we ask you to ask yourselves those questions we don’t want you to go through the process of beating yourself up.

We just want you to look at it so don’t make yourself bad and wrong over this but be objective. That’s the whole that’s the whole essence of what we’re trying to do here just take a look at yourself in a more objective way and be a better version of yourself.

Start to notice where your habits and patterns are that may cause you to have a less than optimal relationship with yourself and start to notice what aspects of your habits and patterns are getting in the way. Another aspect of managing your relationship with yourself is to ask some specific questions and these are tough questions similar to the the vision exercise and you might want to write these down.

They are going to be in your work book. So you might want to go through the process like you did with the vision exercise but we’re not going to necessarily make this a homework assignment but just start to to look at yourself start to point the finger in your way so you know are you truthful with yourself. We discuss this in mind management also but you know are you telling yourself the truth or are you telling yourself good stories you know.

Are you beating yourself up for no good reason. Do you make assumptions about people events and circumstances. This is a big one. Don’t you think it is a very big one and we find ourselves doing that over and over. You know we we I remember in doing the research for the psychology of business ownership we’re making assumptions in a nanosecond.

And usually the assumptions are what people think of me. What does this person think of me and we already make an assumption about it. And oftentimes they’re just wrong. So you’re right that is a very big one.

And you know in those situations asking good questions you know I mean maybe they had a certain look on their face or maybe they behaved a certain way or maybe they made a flinch or whatever doesn’t necessarily mean it was about you maybe it was about them or maybe they even weren’t even aware that they did it. The next question’s really confronting and it’s a great one to ask yourself do you have integrity.

That is a huge yes because it’s very easy for us to excuse ourselves for a lot of different behavior right. We rationalize them we were watching that show the other day call Locked Up Abroad and that was you know was interesting to see their thought pattern before they did the thing that ruin their lives.

Right. Right. And you wouldn’t want to question your integrity. Right. Right. No not implying that you’re about to do anything like that. But you know do we have integrity or are we. Are we making excuses for yourself.

How do others see you know that. That question to the how do others see me or how do you know how to asking ourselves how do others see me. We’re not necessarily saying that you have to be popular with everyone or you have to agree with everyone or they have to agree with you but do they see you as someone with integrity. Do they see you as someone with confidence that they see you as a trusted adviser.

So that’s what we’re talking about. How other do do others see me as desperate or do they see me as confident so those types of things right in that that’s another hard question and it might be hard to hear the answers. And ask yourself but then ask people who are close to you.

It’s it’s a it’s an awakening of a moment. Let me tell you it can be ask yourself should you be taken seriously once again going back to how others see you. You know are you that knowledgeable person that somebody should go to. Or do people just get the sense that you’re trying to hawk them a product.

Do I manipulate my reality and in others. You know that’s you know manipulation you might it might work once or twice. And we’re going to talk about manipulation a lot when we talk about relationships with others because. Because sometimes that’s just how we learn.

But take a look at that. Are you too rigid. You know or you’re not willing to go in a different direction if necessary. And finally do you enjoy your own company. That’s a that’s a good one for the final question because that’s a really tricky question and when you’re left alone to your own devices do you enjoy being around yourself.

Right.

And you know back to you know the one better decision every day so you know go back in if there are areas where you’re hearing alarm bells you don’t want to tell anybody about it but work on it with yourself start to pay attention to them and start to work on them.

That’s right. And that’s exactly right. So that’s where we want to start. And we’d say that a lot throughout this program don’t we that observation and monitoring is a is a key and we say it quite a bit but we don’t do it enough as human beings we just don’t. I think we could just improve so much even if we did nothing but monitor ourselves and then take appropriate action.

Right.

Another aspect of managing the relationship with yourself is how you treat your mind and body. Taking good care of both is is key. We we refer to the three E’s in our program emotions eating and exercise and I’ll be getting into the eating and exercise portion a lot more later. But I’d like to start with emotions and actually in this module we’re going to spend a fair amount of time on emotion that’s in the eating and the exercise.

You’ve heard lots of things over and over again so we’re probably not going to tell you anything that’s totally earth shattering but the emotional aspect is a little deeper and we’re going to spend a lot more time on that.

We are and you might not spend. You might not think about it a whole lot now but we are emotional creatures and I think emotions probably get in our way far more often than we than we understand. So we wanted to spend as much time as we have to on that on that aspect.

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